I imagine the power's out...martial law prevails...and somebody knows I've got tuna in the house...



("m-m-m-m-m-m, TUNA!")

The sky was a brilliant blue in Central Florida today, as I made my way home from work, down I-4 and on to Maitland Boulevard before hanging a right at the DeVoss Sports Center. I noticed a little more wind moving the humid air around, and was glad to walk into the house just after 5:30.
You really gotta love central AC in August.
It was hard to believe a hurricane was on the way.
Each day this week, I have been pulling things out of the freezer and putting them in the microwave.
Dinner Suprise.
Tonight, it turned out to be some chunks of jerk chicken I had made around the 4th of July, with the thought of stuffing a burrito, but I had run out of tortillas.
Instead, I grated a little sharp chedder over the top and nuked it for a couple more minutes, before piling on some salsa and fat-free sour cream.

When you live alone, you can make any damn thing you please.

I turned on the news and saw the "Katrina-Plus-One" retrospective the networks were doing. Since the John Karr story had fizzled out, and the FBI's Mormon Fugitive story was still developing, the networks new they could pull out a story about Katrina as easily as I could pull dinner out of the freezer. Yet, for some reason, a year later everybody was still acting like a hurricane of this magnitude had come out of nowhere, with no warning.

Not so.

I worked in radio for a number of years, and can remember using old UPI or AP machines that printed out the headlines. They were big, bulky teletype machines, actually constantly clacking typwriters, more manual than electric, that had little bells in them that went "bing-bing-bing-bing-BING" whenever they were sending down a major story. Severe weather alerts usually set the little bells to ringing madly.
Yet, in all the years I worked in newsrooms, I never saw a weather alert like this;*

000
WWUS74 KLIX 281550
NPWLIX

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS LA
1011 AM CDT SUN AUG 28 2005

...DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED...

.HURRICANE KATRINA...A MOST POWERFUL HURRICANE WITH UNPRECEDENTED
STRENGTH...RIVALING THE INTENSITY OF HURRICANE CAMILLE OF 1969.

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT
LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL
FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY
DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME
WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A
FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.

AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH
AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY
VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE
ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE
WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.

POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN
AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING
INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY
THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW
CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE
KILLED.

AN INLAND HURRICANE WIND WARNING IS ISSUED WHEN SUSTAINED WINDS NEAR
HURRICANE FORCE...OR FREQUENT GUSTS AT OR ABOVE HURRICANE FORCE...ARE
CERTAIN WITHIN THE NEXT 12 TO 24 HOURS.

ONCE TROPICAL STORM AND HURRICANE FORCE WINDS ONSET...DO NOT VENTURE
OUTSIDE!

Do not venture outside...
Well, we all knew what happened in the next few days.
That alert came down the wires a year ago yesterday...but help didn't come along until a year ago this Sunday.
For some, help never came at all.
From where I sit, Hurricane Ernesto is bearing down on me, but it doesn't figure to be anywhere near the disaster Katrina was...but we really won't know for sure for another 18 hours or so.
Naturally, I hope there's no damage, and the power stays on.
Yet, most of all, I hope Ernesto is such a non-story, that the media will ignore it, and us in Central Florida, and quickly move on to the FBI's most wanted polygamist.
If they do that, the President will likely stay the hell away.
Did you know he's visited the New Orleans area 13 times in the past year?
We in Florida don't need that kind of disaster...
...got one already.

*By the way, the above is the actual weather alert as sent out by the National Weather Service on the date indicated. Sometimes science becomes prescience.

When I woke up this morning, I made some coffee and turned on the local news to see if the people in New Orleans were going to get hit again almost exactly a year after Katrina.
Apparently, not this time.
This time, it's our turn.
Earlier this week, I told a friend how I was thinking of writing about something I had observed regarding the local TV weather people: how they all seemed to be so lethargic all summer, without a big storm to give them that all important face time. You could see the obvious disappointment on their faces, even through the makeup, when Hurricane Debbie took a hard right turn and disappated in the cold waters of the North Atlantic. Constantly repeating "Highs in the low 90's and lows in the 70's, with a chance of afternoon showerz-z-z-z-z-z" is no way to build an air-check tape you'd want to send to the Networks.

Then, up pops Ernesto.

"He's currently on a track towards the Gulf Coast," they were all saying yesterday, "but once he get's into the warmer waters, anything could happen!" I swear one "weather authority" had his fingers crossed on both hands...another seemed to clasp his hands together and sent a silent prayer upwards.
I mean, these guys have spent some big bucks on just the internet graphics alone! Now they can trot out their Weather Plus, their Doppler 9000 and the rather oddly named Vipir radar system. (Snakes in a newsroom?) Oh yeah, Fox has a Doppler thing, but without any numbers attached...or any snakes.
So here comes Ernesto.
AS I write this, the storm is expected to come lumbering into Tampa Bay sometime Thursday. I live about 90 miles northeast of Tampa so, as a direct result, I expect to lose power sometime Wednesday.
You see, I am "serviced" by Progress Energy, whose motto really should be "Making progress towards becoming a real electric company...some day".
The last time a major hurricane hit was late August of 2004. I don't remember if it was Charlie, Frances or Jean, but I know I lost power. Actually I lost power for up to a week for all three of them.
Memories of the time are etched permanently in my mind, even if I didn't really suffer compared to others...like those in NOLA's 9th Ward.
I remember the storm ending and the street light in front of my house being on. The Hummer dealership across State Road 434 was casting a glow into the night sky, but I couldn't get any electricity on my side of the street!
The memories I have from Hurricane Season '04, consist of my spending a solid week going to work (power in Downtown Orlando was restored rather quickly, and I could recharge my cell phone by plugging it in at my office) and then coming home. I would walk into a hot house, despite having left the windows open, yet still close the door.
Next, I would strip off my work clothes, put on some shorts and a "wife beater" tank top and begin sweating. Dinner meant eating warm tuna by candle light, while swigging cheap Merlot that came in a box, and listening to the BBC on a battery powered radio. I also let my beard grow.
If anyone came to the door, I would ask them for spare change.
Once the storms had passed,and power was restored, Progress Energy cut down half the oak tree in my back yard, and left it there for over a year.
So today, I went to Costco and bought some distilled water (6 gallon jugs per box), some batteries (both AA and D) and some stuff in cans...including tuna. I still have propane for the grill.
In all honesty, I'm pretty well inland, so I am looking at the worst case scenario as more of an inconvenience than any actual danger.
I will try to keep you posted on "Life with Ernesto" when things start happening, and I suggest you may also check out the Big Guys: Chris and Al who live in Central Florida, and will also be meeting Ernesto before the Labor Day Weekend is out.
I'm sure each of these fellow blogstreamers will have a "take" on events that is truly their own.

It has been one of those weeks, where the other demands of life have rudely cut in line in front of my blogging time.
(Homer Simpson voice): "Stupid job!"
While I still have tons of stuff to do, I couldn't let the weekend pass without noting a little item in the Orlando Weekly. The free newspaper is usually a wealth of information about the wacky goings-on in Metro-Orlando, but this time they looked east, to Daytona Beach.
A few hours ago, a national convention of reptile breeders ended at the Ocean Center.
They promised over 650 exhibits concerning snakes and other creepy crawly things, including the ever popular "Ball Python Symposium".
I know, you're probably thinking that "Ol' T-Con has fallen into a reptile rut, and he can't get up", what with my previous post being infested with alligators, but there is a point here somewhere.
It occurrs to me that Monday morning commercial airliners will be taking the reptile breeders, and the results of their labor, back to wherever it is they come from.
So if you are flying out of Daytona or Orlando you can reasonably be expected to be flying with...
Oh, yeah...you're already way ahead of me, aren't you?

Right upfront, I should state that I'm not a hunter.
It just isn't part of my culture or my background. While I have nothing against guns (or your right to own one, despite what the NRA says about us Liberals), the only thing I've ever fired at is a paper target.
Admittedly, I blew the living hell out of it.
I guess I just never understood the rationale of self-proclaimed nature lovers killing wild animals with firearms. I once laughed out loud when a friend explained the real "sport" of wild turkey hunting was based on how smart the bird was. I restrained myself from commenting on the relative brain power of hunter and hunted.
I've known people who are "primitive hunters", who stalk deer with home made bows and arrows. While I understand the skill involved, and appreciate a little more leveling of the playing field, I still can't think of it as a sport. A wounded Bambi isn't likely to threaten your life by charging at you in one final death leap.
Despite the random killing, hunters do seem to have a code of honor that keeps them from littering the forest with deer carcases...beer cans, maybe, but not carrion. Most will take their kill and "dress" it, sticking the meat in a freezer and the head on a wall.
The less said about politicians shooting at quail and hitting lawyers, the better...I'll save that for another post.
Like I said, hunting isn't part of my lifestyle, yet there is one group of hunters I have tremendous respect for. Hunters who make all the other "outdoorsmen" tramping through the woods look like shotgun schlepping wimps.
These are the 'GATOR HUNTERS!
There is no animal more closely associated with the state of Florida than the alligator.
In this area, there's even a theme park dedicated to the reptile. My Alma Mater has chosen it as the official school mascot!
Florida = 'Gators, in the mind of people around the world.
Less than 20 years ago, the alligator was on the endangered species list, and gator hunting was officialy prohibited by federal law. Apparently the animals don't have much of a lobby in Congress, as that protection ended in 1988.
Because of the human population in Florida encroaching on their natural habitat, alligators now seem to be everywhere. It is said that if you find a body of water bigger than a swimming pool in this state, there will be at least one alligator in it, with Lake Jessup (in Seminole County) having the largest concentration.
On those days when I go to visit my parents right from leaving work, I cross over Lake Jessup. The state estimates there are 15 thousand alligators in there, so I try to stay on the bridge.
This Tuesday, the 15th, the official 'gator hunting season begins, but it isn't exactly "shoot on sight".
The season runs through November, and a hunting permit, costing $272, allows you to "take" two gators. The State sold 4,406 of them within one day, which is still not enought to empty Lake Jessup, let alone the other gator infested lakes and rivers in Florida.
This is not an endeavor for amateurs.
First, you hunt alligators from a boat, and the State mandates you do so between a half hour befor sunset and a half hour after sunrise.
Like many of life's great adventures, this is a sport done in the dark, requiring at least two people.
If you shine a light out over the murky waters, you can see an alligator's eyes reflect back as red dots. One hunter throws a hand-held snare around the gator, to pull it to the side of the boat, where his buddy uses a "bang stick" to kill it. The bang stick is a long pole that fires a single bullet when pressed up against the gator's thick skull. The beast, anywhere from 6 to 12 feet long, is then hauled into the shallow boat. There are stories of alligators, merely stunned by the bang stick, that regain consciousness and begin thrashing around inside the boat.
Experienced hunters know not to jump overboard when this happens... they also know to bring an ax.
So, the next time a "sportsman" talks about the thrill of shooting a deer from 50 yards or hauling in a 10 lb bass from a slow moving river, ask if they've ever been 'gator hunting.
Tell 'em it's no sport for wimps.