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Overlooking Orlando

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 Willie Sutton He Ain't...
 

"Saturday morning cartoons really suck anymore", he thought, as he made his way through the parking lot.
"I mean, who really understands anime, anyway?", he said out loud, slightly startling a kid in a Publix vest gathering up shopping carts.
He had dressed in his best jeans, a tank top that showed his biceps and hid his beer gut, and grey-market Reboks. He had gotton a great deal on the shoes, even though they were spelled "Rebocks" and smelled like a tire store.
After tying a yellow bandanna around his head (you can't be too careful with this Florida sun, even in Winter), he lit a cigarette and surveyed the scene.
He spotted his target, right near the front door.
It would require all his speed and daring. He was glad he wasn't too drunk this time, since timing was of the essence. He really didn't know if they would be armed.
He tossed the half smoked cigarette to the ground, and stubbed it out under his left Rebock.
He took a shallow breath, put on his "game face", and made his move.
Moving like a cat, or maybe a really fast dog, he ran to the table and scooped up the cash box.
In answer to the protests, he casually tossed the word "yup" over his shoulder...zing!...as he made his way to his cousin's Honda Accord.
"Damn stick shift!", his cousin said, as he nearly hit an old lady.
Yet, within seconds, they knew they would make it...
The Orlando police wouldn't have a thing to go on...he had beaten them again!
"Take that, Girl Scouts of America!", he thought, as they headed north on 436.
It looked like this might be his biggest score since that Salvation Army kettle caper back in December.
"You dah MAN!" he shouted at his reflection in the vanity mirror in the visor.
"No, YOU, da man!", shouted his cousin in that irritating whine of his.
"That's what I said!"
"Huh?...Oh", said his cousin.
Next stop...Taco Belle for a couple of buritos.
He planned to steal a whole lot of those little hot sauce packets...a whole lot!


Posted by T-Con at 9:46 PM - 3 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Western Union...Stop...Nazis in Orlando...Stop
 

Earlier this month, a 150 year old institution came to an end, never to return.
Western Union announced the end of the telegram.
It's funny, but I've never actually recieved a telegram myself, so I have mixed emotions about the news. In my lifetime, many things have simply disappeared, never to return. Things such as dial telephones, 8-trac tapes, Commodore computers, the Commodores, Rosie O'Grady's and the older model VW Beetle.

Things I am glad are gone, and not coming back, include Disco, Jim Crow laws and my ex-wife.
Things I'm sorry are gone forever included The Beatles, The World Trade Center and over 2,400 American soldiers sent to Iraq.
Things that apparently will NEVER go away include The Rolling Stones, Orlando's toll roads and Nazis.
Now before you point out Nazi Germany was put down like a rabid Alsatian in 1945, or think I'm taking a cheap shot at the Bush Administration, think again.
First, I already took the cheap shot.
Secondly, the "National Socialist Movement" is planning a march in the predominately black section of downtown Orlando this Saturday. Sure, I could link you to their web site, but why bother, since These fine folks have all the information you need.
I have often thought the media's term "neo-nazi" was astonishingly inaccurate. There's nothing new about these people. To me, a Nazi is a Nazi, regardless of when they were born. It also seems not all Nazis wear brown shirts and armbands.
Yet, for those that do, WELCOME TO ORLANDO!
We, here in Central Florida, have often felt left out, never having been a stop on Nazi-Tour USA...(Tampa always seems to have all the fun).
To show our thanks, knowing most of you will be travelling from out of state, may I suggest a nice place to stop in for a post-march brew or two?
Considering the average Nazi's political savy, what could be better than to meet at The Parliament House? I understand they have a great beer selection, served by a friendly staff, and you can actually walk to it from where the march ends up!
Plus, they really, I mean really, love a man in uniform!
No, don't mention it...it's nothing...you can thank me later.



Posted by T-Con at 9:57 PM - 3 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Ditto Heads*
 

I am not, nor have I ever been, a Rush Limbaugh fan.

Fortunately, since I stopped working at an Indiana radio station, dropping news headlines into his daily three hour rantfest, I haven't had to even think of the knuckle dragging oxygen thief, let alone listen to him.

I often eat lunch, at my desk, at an unremarkable state office building. I've become used to the chatter of others and the scent of re-heated cuisine from around the world wafting over my cubicle.
I was about to cut into my own chicken marsala, when it happened.
Suddenly, like the belch of a rapidly eaten, onion laden, Italian sub or hogie, I felt a sickenly familiar taste return to my mouth.

Some fellow cube rat was playing Limbaugh at full blast just a few feet away.

Making my way to the offending party, I noticed he had headphones on...really nice audiophile headphones, and not a cheap set of ear-buds. I did a little two handed wave, like a football referee signalling a missed field goal, to get his attention.
He managed to both remove his 'phones and say "huh?" at the same time.
"The noise", I said, (dropping into more hand signals)...it's, uh...I mean, I don't think your headphones are working".
A puzzled look came over his face, as he looked to his right and said "huh?" again.
I started to say something else, when he blurted out;
"Well, fer cryin' OUT LOUD!"
"I forgot to plug 'em in", he said...

Ditto heads...they're everywhere.

*a true story
Posted by T-Con at 8:37 PM - 1 Comment   Add a Comment  
 

 The Rising of the Moon
 

There was nothing to stop the wind, as it whipped across the Georgia border into Lake County, leaving whitecaps on Lake Eustis.
I remember a similar wind, almost twenty years ago, born in the harbor, that came shrieking around the corner at State Street near the Customs House and knocked over a metal box containing a half dozen copies of yesterday's Boston Globe.
At that time, I hurried into the Black Rose Pub, to escape the coming deluge, and discovered live Irish music in the process.
Today, my friend and I were dressed for the unusually cold Florida weather; she in an ancient gray wool cloak, and me in black leather over a corderoy shirt, as we made out way into what would be our "Irish Pub for the day".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I bare orders from the captain,
get ye ready, quick and soon...
for the pikes must be together...
at the rising of the moon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the intervening years, since the Black Rose literally offered a Port in the Storm, I've seen many a Celtic musician in many an Irish pub. I've never been to Ireland, but have traveled the East Coast of America enough to see the immigrants at play. From East Duram in the Catskills, through Boston, New York and Philadelphia, the brogues are heavy, the Guinness is plentiful and the music is unlike anything else you've ever heard...or seen.
While live music creates a certain atmosphere, I've often found the right setting can enhance the music as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"On the Curragh of Kildare, and the boys
will all be there...
with their pikes in good repair, says the
Sean Bhean Bhocht...(pronounced shan van vote...meaning the
poor old woman...a poetic depiction of the Irish Nation)

~~~~~~~~
When there's Irish music in an Irish pub, the audience is often just as interesting as the performers...picture a standing group, all dressed in leather jackets against the cold, with heavy wool sweaters beneath. Often the men are dressed the same way. In everyone's right hand is a pint of the brown (to hold a bottle is to invite derision), while the left hand punches the air to the rythmn of the band...naturally, you can switch it up if you're left handed.
In a darker corner of the bar, Shane MacGowan is having a friendly argument with the ghost of Joe Strummer...yer man in the snug, looking remarkably like Brendan Behan, is taking notes, while a tall fellow in a trench coat and tweed cap is speaking with quiet intensity to a small, ferret-like boy, who seems hardly old enough to be here. The big man's eyes constantly scan the room, in quick furtive glances. He will abruptly leave by the back door, with his pint untouched.

The Third Place Cafe, on the other hand, is very new (even though it was built as a department store in 1926). The newly polished wood floors do creak some in certain spots, but the 30 foot ceiling is covered in acoustic tile. It is a fine restaurant, that tries its best to turn into an Irish pub with "character" on the second Sunday of every month.
They're just missing the "characters".
Most of the people, average age around 60, are not there to "plot rebellion or talk treason". They've come for the Sunday Irish buffet. In addition to the mandatory corned beef and cabbage, there's a very decent selection of simple entres, salads and desserts.
Starting at around 4:30 in the afternoon, younger people wander in carrying flutes, fiddles, guitars and the occassional bozuki or banjo...I usually bring a bodhran, myself, while my friend brings her small "traveling" guitar.
After about an hour or so, they ask if anyone wants to do a song.
As if on cue, the two of us make our way to the stage. Each gets one microphone...she tunes, I give a cursory thump on the old skin head, and we're off (with minimal rehersal, I might add).
We start with Theodore Bikel's slower, more stately version of "The Rising of the Moon", followed by a galloping version of "The Sean Bhean Bhocht", both songs about the ill-fated Irish uprising of 1798.
Within seconds, I realize our audience came to hear "Danny Boy", and not necessarily our offering of rebel songs in powdered wigs.
So instead of looking out over the audience, I turn my mind inward.
I am quite pleased by the sound quality of my friend's small guitar, and thrilled by the nuanced beauty of her smooth alto. My own voice seems to have happily discovered a note or two in barritone territory. For what it is, I'm thinking, this is pretty good for a two song set...and half way through the first song, I close my eyes. I can almost see the big fellow abruptly stop talking. He holds up a single finger to get his companion to listen for a moment.
Even the girls in black leather start punching the air...
I am transported, however briefly, away from A Third Place to Another Place entirely...all by the music.
~~~~~~~~~~

"DEATH to every foe and traitor!
Whistle out the marching tune...
and Hurrah, me boys, for Freedom!....
at the rising of the moon.






Posted by T-Con at 9:07 PM - 6 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Alles klar, Herr Kommisar?
 

It's late, I don't like Mondays, and I'm in a goofy mood to begin with...the funniest thing I've seen in the past 24 hours was the "streaking sheep" Bud commercial during last nights Super Bowl...if you missed it, I'm sure it will be on again. The rest of the game just wasn't all that amusing.
Fortunately, I didn't actually bet any money.

I didn't feel like working too hard after getting home from work, so I used the power of the internets to look up the kind of stuff we used to have to pay for, back in the old radio days...

"Today In Music" for February 6th is either a real drag, or an astrologer's textbook study...or both;

1999 The Japanese indie scene mourns former Super Junky Monkey lead vocalist Mutsumi Fukuhara (born Takahashi), after the singer apparently falls from the balcony of her apartment in Osaka. Fukuhara, 28, had recently left the band to devote time to her husband and their 1-year-old son.

1998 Carl Wilson, one of the founding members of the Beach Boys, dies from complications of lung cancer. Wilson, 51, who had been battling the disease for nearly a year dies in Los Angeles with his family reportedly by his side.

1998 Falco, the '80s technopop artist best known for his "Rock Me Amadeus" song and video, dies in a traffic accident in the Dominican Republic. He is 40. The Austrian-born singer/songwriter, born Johann Holzel, suffers a severe head injury when his sport utility vehicle collides with a bus as he pulls onto the highway.

1990 Billy Idol breaks his arm and leg when his motorcycle crashes after he allegedly ran a stop sign in Hollywood. He had been coming from the recording studio, where he was working on the album ``Charmed Life".

1981 Hugo Montenegro dies of emphysema. Age 55.

It's a sad day when the only survivor is Billy Idol...and, when I think of the marketing potential of something called "Super Junky Monkey", the mind boggles...I think I would have preferred seeing Super Junky Monkey doing the Super Bowl halftime show, instead of...well, you get the idea...(Insert your own Keith Richards jokes here).

Good night, everybody...
Posted by T-Con at 11:32 PM - 6 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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